KNADIO

     I hate to jinx it now but uhhhh some of my old tendencies are starting to return to me. I feel inspiration coming back. I'm kinda startin to study shit again. That's all the news I have to share for today! Hope lives on.

Today's searches: skateboarder manga, how to draw skateboarders, skateboarder image gallery, basketball player anatomy, how to draw streetball 

Hey guys! I know it's been a loooooonnnnngggg ass while! You guys probably thought I forgot about DA and you might as well say I had! But uhh amidst all the negativity I've been expressing, and at the risk of jinxing this..... I think I'm comin back, guys! Slowly but surely! I'm not completely the same old me yet, my brain isn't functioning the way it used to. But I have picked up the pencil again! I have conjured up a few ideas. And it's like my mom says, with time that brain functionality will come again eventually. Moreover, I've picked up some more art books to help me out, I'm mapping out my favorite artists so I can further develop my own style. I've been doin better! I mean I'm not doodling on everything I see, I'm not getting ideas that are mandatory that I put on paper. On top of that, all those ideas I once had before that were never transacted are a fucking waste now. but honestly if my brain and the caliber of ideas for pieces I have now keep progressing, I'll be just as satisfied with those.

     Oh and since I am starting anew, me not being the exact old me and all, I'm thinking I'm gonna make another DA account! The only thing that really sucks about that is all the pieces I have on this page and all the lovely comments left on them will be collectin dust and I hate that! But I feel I need to start anew! I mean I need to organize everything a lil better...... A LOT better! So yeah it's a big decision but I feel it needs to be done! So you guys stay tuned for that! Until then though, despite the lack of abundance of my art, you can still keep up with me on my Instagram @str8apeshyt and the pieces that are soon to come will be posted there! I don't know how soon but I'm definitely gonna try my best to get off my ass and do the damn thing! Til next time, y'all! Peace!!

One thing that I struggle with is blending certain colors to find the perfect color. I would just settle with the closest colored pencil out of whatever was available to me but apparently that's wrong and that's not what professionals do. I've heard that no shadow is just black, no skin tone is just brown or tan with pink or purple blemishes. You have to blend to find the right color. All in all, I regret having not paid attention to color theory at all! But hell, I'm young and determined! Let's see if I can't learn..... on my own!

     You would think I'd gone through this enough to where it doesn't bother me or atleast not for too long anyway. Boy did I get hit with some pressure in the past month thanks to this FUCKING military shit! I HATE IT! Those times when I said "I could bare it" weren't good days! They were just days that weren't as bad. But I literally had not had a good day since I've been out here! I mean GOD! I haven't been drawing.... AT FUCKING ALL!!!!!!!! I don't even get the subconscious impulse to draw, no creative instances, no subconscious doodling, fucking nothing. I don't even wanna babble on this journal right now. The Mike Merritt you once knew and loved has to adapt to this military lifestyle and if that's the case then THAT Mike Merritt no longer exists because he aint livin no more, He aint putting up wit this bullshit. Shady motherfuckers too! NO ONE in here is like minded. No one in here loves me for the whole package. No one in here gives a fuck enough to associate with me. I fuckin hate this place. If I've EVEr hated even but one thing in existence, it's my FUCKING time here. WHat will I do? Because I damn sure don't wanna associate with these fucks anymore! What the fuck ever, bro!

Fuck you! I am beyond pissed! I truly hate my life! I wish I had a better variety of word choice. If I had felt I didn't have a purpose in life currently I woulda ended this shit already. I woulda done some dumb shit. I can't bear this fuckery. I can't even masturbate properly right now. I don't think I've ever felt this kinda fucked over. I want out. And if I do get out, after all their talk of how proud of me they are and shit, I couldn't bear goin home. Not home, home. I'm gonna go to my Miami, where I know the fucking area but I wouldn't let my parents know. I'd rather be homeless, tryin to make a buck to live on as I pursue my art career. Because FUCK this shit, I hate it!